(Disclaimer: to whoever reads this, this is a very self analytical post- pages from my diary, but feel free to apply to you.)
Today has been the same in a good way, I've just finished up writing a song and demo recording for my session tomorrow! managed to get rid of my cold ( well mostly) so looking forward to it.
But I have been avoiding admitting a truth that has been revealed to me a few times, many times in fact, an uncomfortable truth.
Which I don't even really want to write down here, but I feel me writing it down is part of the process of what I need to do.
The uncomfortable truth is and I do hate to admit it, but i'm still a bit insecure, I'm still a bit anxious and still a little afraid of what seems beyond me ( why? thats another post for another day).
I don't even know who will see or read this, that makes me uncomfortable, but thats what i need. That is an element of growth- to get uncomfortable. I need to get uncomfortable to get out of where I am. I need to get out of my comfort zone, out of habits, the usual, the safe place, everything I have ever done and ever known I have to extend it to further than what it is. Bigger and bolder. Fearless and relentless.
Of course its a process, but It requires that extra push, that complete renewal of the mind and perspective. I have periods of times where this happens, but then too soon I go back to where I am- fundamental human flaw, retreat to what we know.
But if there is a way to truly reshape this 'zone', even should I ever go back, ( fundamental human flaw, inevitable? ) , it will be a different place, a better one... in fact till Its remoulded and so extended that I wouldn't ever feel the need to retreat I wouldn't be able to, it will be so far removed from what I would now be. I would have grown over it
I have only allowed time to make me grow, age and seasons passing. but growth is not only conducive to time, its conducive to what you do within that time. Its what you do with what you have , how far you take what you have.
I am on route, and I feel that 'me' within, like a roaring lion in a cage waiting for me to open and let her free. So I must let her free, the me that is within me. I must not give up on her, I must create spaces where she can thrive, I must let her think through a free mind, through an open wild heart , so that she can be where she is supposed to be.
But I do this not for my ego, or self glory.
But for the gifts placed within me and so it is all actually bigger than me entirely. This is for The light.
This is my philosphy
So knowing all of this, where does one go from here? ( a few short steps)
Firstly deep in the back of my mind I'm still a little uncomfortable with sharing this- Share it
Secondly - act bolder- assurance
Thirdly - stop waiting for the final perfect product, show the process even within its flaws.
Fourth - do more uncomfortable things
Finally knowledge, continually seek knowledge in all forms, for we perish at the lack of it.
To the Me that is currently not me, but becoming the me that i am meant to be,
I will not give up on your becoming.
I have forgiven, I self love and I will push boundaries and remould the zone, for you to thrive,
Signed - me